


more than anybody else

by freezerjerky



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 11:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezerjerky/pseuds/freezerjerky
Summary: “I do have standards. There’s baseline standards of being a good human being and age limits and that but honestly, whoever will have me, shoot your shot. Oh hey, Hermann, I saved the best bit of cake for you.”Hermann feels himself blush to the tips of his ears as Newt slides a corner piece of sickeningly sweet cake across the table at him. He’s late for dinner and it’s kind of Newt to have noticed and saved dessert for him.in which Newt will date almost anyone and Hermann wants to be more than just anyone





	more than anybody else

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sarah1281](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/gifts).



> written for Sarah who wanted the concept of Newt's willingness to date "whoever would have him" and Hermann wanting to date him...but also not wanting to just be another person.
> 
> A fun little romp for you all <3

The conversation is one that Hermann’s been preparing to have for what seems like ages, he’s got the speech down in his head. He wants to clear the air, to put his feelings out there, and hopefully move forward with them. Admittedly, facing the end of the world does not seem like the best time for a love confession or a new relationship. Facing the end of the world also seems like a painfully tragic time to be single from a practical standpoint and Hermann is, if nothing else, a man of practicality. Even if he’s got a romantic streak a mile wide.

He’s thought this through from all angles. Statistically, the worst case scenario appears to be Newton saying no and then mocking him for an extended amount of time- which is really no different than their relationship as it currently stands. Best case scenario, they save the world and marry each other immediately after. That’s less likely than the first option, of course, but not the least likely option of all. Hermann’s flexible, really, about his outcomes, but he knows when feelings are best left repressed and when he has to share them. After all, he’s a man who looks like the living embodiment of repression. Hermann knows a thing or two about how long he can keep an emotion locked away before it’s too much of a burden.

So it’s better to be open, to be honest with himself and what he’s feeling about his lab partner and sometimes rival and increasingly often friend. Because that’s the emotionally mature thing to do and if Newt does feel remotely the same, he can’t rely on Newt to do the emotionally mature thing. As always, the lot falls on him in this regard.

The moment will surely come, he thinks, sliding into his familiar spot in the mess hall, and then he’ll feel better. Regardless of the outcome.

“No like- not anyone-” Newt is explaining from his spot across from Hermann. He’s talking to some brainiac J-Techs who are friends of Tendo’s. “But basically anyone, yeah. Like I’m going to give most people a shot if they ask me out, you know?”

“Isn’t that a bit desperate?” one of them, a man named Sven, asks. “I mean, you’ve got to have standards.”

“I do have standards. There’s baseline standards of being a good human being and age limits and that but honestly, whoever will have me, shoot your shot. Oh hey, Hermann, I saved the best bit of cake for you.”

Hermann feels himself blush to the tips of his ears as Newt slides a corner piece of sickeningly sweet cake across the table at him. He’s late for dinner and it’s kind of Newt to have noticed and saved dessert for him.

“I’m not saying you’re exactly the biggest catch in the world,” Samantha, Hermann’s personal favorite of the bunch, cuts in. “But most people have standards beyond that.”

“Yeah, take your pal Gottlieb over here,” Matthew, who is decidedly Hermann’s least favorite, adds. “He needs someone who has at least an equivalent IQ and who-”

“IQ is not an accurate assessment of intelligence,” Hermann mutters, cutting off the rude young man. No doubt he’ll make some comment about Hermann’s frumpy sweaters and high expectations for personal spaces and professionalism. It’s low and it’s tactics that should be left on the playground.

“He’s joking, Hermann,” Newt says, offering him a smile. There’s smudges on his glasses and his shirt has either blue ink or kaiju blue on the front of it. Hermann thinks he’s the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life. “But anyway, this is about me. Getting laid. So I’m just saying, if any of you knows anyone who’s single and looking, I’m always open for new romantic opportunities- any gender.”

The blush creeps back onto Hermann’s face and he stares down at the food he’s put on his tray, a large heap of potatoes and a pitiful excuse for chicken. He suddenly has no appetite. Newt’s making it abundantly clear how open he is to dating anyone, how he views his love life. The thought of being just “anyone” to Newt is enough to turn Hermann off of any desire to have the conversation he’s planned so tirelessly in his head. He never would have expected to be facing a whole new worst case scenario now. He’s just anyone and his feelings hold no significance, they share one or two probably mediocre nights together and that’s that.

There’s anger rising in him, turned at himself. Who is he to assume he’d have any real value in Newt’s life? They hate each other, don’t they? They’re certainly supposed to. He’d hoped, perhaps, when they exchanged letters that they could be something other than penpals, other than friends, but no doubt Newt felt much the same then. And really, he has to respect Newt’s philosophy on relationships and dating, because not everyone can be expected to be some secret romantic hidden in the prickly shell of wool sweater vests.

“Yo, Hermann. Earth to Hermann.”

Looking up from his tray, he sees Newt waving his hand back and forth, amusement playing across his features.

“Yes, Newton?” He picks up his fork, realizing he must have looked like a fool, staring down at an under seasoned chicken breast.

“Samantha was asking if you were seeing anyone and I said that if you were, you wouldn’t be sharing it with the group, eh?” Newt states, grinning.

“We’re facing certain doom, I hardly think now’s the time to engage in a romantic relationship with anyone new,” he answers before he shovels a forkful of potatoes into his mouth. It lacks dramatic flair and Hermann has to fight the urge to spit them out. All the seasoning the chicken lacks seems to have found its way onto the potatoes.

 

Hermann has the chance to see Newt’s romantic liberty in action the next night. Apparently, putting his availability out there to others has handed him a date with a friend of the ever charming Matthew. No doubt the person in question is subpar, below any standard that Newt should be adhering to. Regardless of his many obnoxious attributes, he is one of the greatest scientific minds in the world and should be associating with people who deserve to be in his presence. After all, upon knowing Newt better the parts of him that are often abrasive have a certain charm, or if nothing else, they have a great entertainment value for Hermann personally.

Instead of lying in bed, thinking about Newt out with some stranger, some man who is not him, Hermann works late in the lab. Numbers are straightforward and there’s always an answer. They are not puzzling and they do not make him lie awake at night filled with some odd mix of desire and dread. Besides, with Newt gone, he knows he can finally have some quiet in the lab and complete work he would otherwise be too distracted to finish or at the very least, too busy making sure Newt didn’t destroy PPDC property or himself.

When he returns to his room, it’s rather late and he hopes whatever the results of Newt’s date are, they’re done. He won’t have to hear about it or think about it ever again. Naturally, he can’t have this sort of peace and he’s confronted with the sound of Newt giggling in that obnoxious way he does, just down the hall from his own room. The best course of action would be to retire, to not acknowledge what’s occurring, but he can’t help himself. He steps forward, making sure he’s loud enough to announce his presence as he catches sight of Newt pressed up against the wall, laughing as a taller man kisses along his neck.

“Newton,” Hermann exhales, and it doesn’t have the sharpness it needs. It falls to the ground, desperately small and tragic. In the next moment, Newt locks eyes with him and winks. This is supposed to be conspiratorial, letting Newt move forward with his big secret, but Hermann cannot bring himself to muster this sort of selflessness. 

He clears his throat rather dramatically. “Newton, you know PPDC policy about unauthorized overnight guests in the Shatterdome. If you wish to...spend an evening with a new friend, you are supposed to conduct your business off of the premises.”

“Conduct my business?” Newt snorts, but he pushes his date away. “Dude it’s- you’re trying to tell me you’ve never brought someone back here?”

“That’s hardly your business.”

“He’s got an annoying roommate, you gotta understand what it’s like to share a space with an annoying person, hmmm?” Newt says, stepping forward. He’s trying to endear himself to Hermann and it’s failing miserably.

“I don’t care what sort of roommate he has, this is a disturbance in the place where other people work and live and-”

“Alright, I get it.” Newt turns to the red faced young man beside him, kisses him on the mouth. Hermann tries to look away, but he can’t bring himself to do so. It’s a bit like staring at a car crash, only the car crash is the state of his own heart destroying itself. He should have left well enough alone. 

He steps away, back to his own room before Newt can turn back around and talk to him. The thought that he could be in the place of that other man consumes his thoughts for the rest of the night and he cannot properly chase sleep. He could have Newt, but it’s not just about having for a night or two, it’s not about being just anyone. He wants Newt to want him, specifically, the way he wants Newt. The way he aches for Newt to touch his arm when they work, or to save him dessert at dinner, or to give him sly smiles, or kiss him in the hallway or- the list is endless, the want is endless.

 

The next morning, Newt stumbles into the lab late, which isn’t too abnormal for him. If Hermann hadn’t seen him the night before, he’d have thought very little of it.

“That was a dick move you pulled last night,” Newt says, standing at the bottom of Hermann’s ladder as he works.

“I really don’t see why you think that.” He does, actually.

“You know, I know you’re perfectly fine being on your own right now, but not everyone’s like that! I’m half a world away from my real home and I don’t really have anyone to go to for comfort.”

Hermann sighs and descends the ladder. If Newt’s going to fight with him, they’re at least going to be on the same level. Last time they argued like this, Newt had tried to take it upon himself to move the ladder about, which nearly ended in very disastrous results for both of them.

“I’d appreciate it, Newton, if you’d stop presuming to know what I am and am not fine with,” Hermann states coolly. 

“But you won’t deny it.”

“Just because some of us have standards!” Hermann really should have more to say there, but he can’t find the words.

“Buddy, if you have a problem with me being my sexually liberated self, that’s on you. I can’t help it that you’re a walking advertisement for repression.”

“Sexual liberation still has standards, Newton. You’ve as good as said you’ll be involved with anything that has a pulse.”

Newt narrows his eyes at Hermann. “That’s not what I said at all, thank you. I’m just not picky, that’s generally not a problem. I’m allowed to live my life to my own standards and not to your impossible standards.”

“I apologize. My reaction to seeing you last night may have been exaggerated.”

“Yeah, well. Just don’t scare my dates away when I’m about to score anymore.”

The self control it takes Hermann to refrain from smiling is immense and he feels awful for it. Jealousy is something he’s allowed to feel, it’s valid when he feels so deeply for someone. What’s less valid is actively preventing Newt from pursuing the love life he wants. So, even if it hurts him, he’s going to stop this. He’ll take a step back, maybe work on feeling less for Newt.

“So your date didn’t end up spending the night?” Hermann asks, trying to sound neutral, which is very difficult when he’s facing Newt and in close proximity.

“He said you seemed pretty scary and left. And he didn’t return my text this morning.” Newt frowns.

“You do know you’re, er.” Hermann works his jaw, feeling the way his teeth grind unpleasantly together because he’s clenching his jaw a bit too hard. “You’re allowed to have whatever standards you like, but you’re worth more than just dating whoever happens to approach you.”

“You know people have been dating and marrying whoever happens to come around since the beginning of time right, dude?” Newt laughs, claps Hermann on the shoulder. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there’s a big romantic softy under all that bristly exterior.”

“There is no such thing, rest assured. There’s no need to re-evaluate any part of your perception of me,” Hermann says, brushing past him towards his computer. Hermann knows, objectively, there’s no reason to be ashamed of being a romantic, or being seen as a romantic, but he hates the conversation that comes with this. The shock, the surprise, that he’d dare to entertain tender feelings about any aspect of his life.

“You know there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you have feelings, Herms. Like you’re not a robot man, actually, as cool as you might find them.”

“Just because I don’t choose to share every thought and emotion that I have it doesn’t mean I don’t have them,” Hermann snaps, settling himself down at his desk. He fidgets with his glasses for a few long moments before adjusting them on his face.

“I don’t share every thought and emotion. I keep plenty to myself, you wouldn’t even know.”

“Last week you ranked Pop-Tart flavors to me while I was trying to work,” Hermann remarks, pointedly staring at his screen.

“It was super important information, Hermann. And i was bored out of my mind.”

“Oh, I noticed.”

Newt perches on Hermann’s desk then, clearly feeling whatever rift has been between them has been mended. On one hand, Hermann’s grateful for it, on the other he was trying to complete his work for the day without distractions.

“So what do you think my standards should be, then?” Newt asks, resting a boot on the edge of Hermann’s chair, so the filthy bottom of his shoe touches Hermann’s thigh.

“Someone who actually likes you, Newton. Didn’t your father ever set you down and talk about dating or that sort of thing?” Hermann’s not sure where this comment’s coming from, because his father certainly never gave him the courtesy. He learned everything about how dating and sex works from his extremely heterosexual older brother, which really only lead to a supremely complicated and confused adolescence.

“I’d say most people I’ve seen,” Newt begins, “have liked me to some degree.”

“That’s not what I mean. Someone who’s not just looking for a warm body. Preferably someone who does appreciate your intellect.” Hermann settles back in his chair, plucking his glasses from his face. “Someone who finds humor in your oddities and likes you for them, not in spite of them. Ideally someone who could keep you out of my hair for more than five minutes without distracting you from the work long-term.”

“I can’t tell if I should be touched or insulted by how selfish that is.” Newt laughs. “The last part that is. But I think you basically just admitted you think I’m great and deserve someone great.”

Hermann shakes his head but refuses to meet Newt’s eye, despite the fact that Newt is clearly trying to look at him. The last thing he wants is to betray himself and his feelings with something as simple as a look. “I’ve done no such thing. I believe what I’ve listed is a minimum for a man of your intellectual capabilities. Of course, the bar is a bit lower given your...everything else.”

It’s evident that Newt’s searching for a comeback, something to use to insult Hermann, to make him shout at him or start a fight. A fight would be good, it would feel healthy and normal and hopefully erase all of these strange things Hermann’s feeling inside of himself. Instead, Newt says something that makes him feel even more uneasy.

“What’s your standard for yourself, then? I know people were joking about it, but maybe I can use you for a baseline,” Newt teases, but there’s something edging around seriousness in his tone.

“I want someone who is pointedly interested in me, that’s a start,” Hermann begins, knowing this is the most obvious point. “Someone who can keep up with my conversations but also understands the value of my need for silence. I suppose a man who will understand that I do not enjoy over the top romantic gestures but do understand the value of kindness and sweetness.”

“Oh my fucking God, Hermann. You’re sitting here talking about how you want a sweet man with a kind heart like you’re in a Jane Austen novel.”

Hermann would blush if he wasn’t profoundly annoyed. Leave it to Newt to twist the knife deeper by judging what he wants from a partner, leave it to the only person he’d consider as an option to hurt him for his feelings.

“I was being honest with you and I don’t appreciate the mockery, Newton. Now, if you’d please return to your side of the lab I’d appreciate it. I have work to do.”

The frown on Newt’s face then is a surprise, as is the way he moves his foot, affecting a more serious pose.

“I’m sorry, dude. You’re just always surprising me, you know? Always another layer I’ve never discovered even though I’ve known you for going on a decade now. It’s good, nice to know I’m stuck in this tin can with someone who’s interesting.” 

WIthout further ado, Newt slides off the desk and saunters over to his side of the lab, whistling some song Hermann thinks he knows, but he’s not quite certain. He doesn’t dare ask, and trying to place it pre-occupies the better part of his next half hour. Leave it to Newton to drive him mad even when he’s leaving him completely alone.

 

Hermann works late that night again, despite the fact that he’s been working late for the past several nights. He’s working on a new predictive model which could, theoretically, cut down his calculation time in half, but that involves putting in the hours of work. Dinner isn’t even on his mind when he returns to his room for the night, bone tired. He can have some tea in his electric kettle and one of the protein bars he keeps rationed for nights like this and in the morning he’ll work on living a more functional life.

He’s just toed off his shoes when someone knocks on the door. Before he can even heft the sigh or reach for his cane, Newt pushes into his room, holding a small tray. There’s a piece of the same sickeningly sweet cake from the other day on it, and Newt looks far too pleased with himself as he sets it down next to Hermann on his bed.

“You know, normally I’m the one who’s forgetting to feed myself,” Newt remarks.

“I was going to have a protein bar and some tea, that’s definitely more nutritious than this cake.” Despite the sweetness, Hermann does love the cake. He craves sweet things in his life, no matter how much he tries to deny it.

“Do you not want the cake?”

Without thinking, Hermann seizes the plate from the tray, bringing it to his lap, it’s a silent answer to Newt’s question. He wants the cake, very much so.

“Thank you, Newton. This was very kind of you to do.” Hermann would like to give a small jab, say it’s uncharacteristically kind but that’s not true. Newt’s done things like this before and he’ll do them again. There’s a degree to which Newt is a selfish person, as are all people, but there’s a hidden kindness to him, something Hermann feels blessed to see.

“Mostly did it to keep you from being grouchy tomorrow morning. Sleep well, Hermann.” Newt squeezes his shoulder before he strides out of Hermann’s room.

Hermann stares down at the plate in his hand. There’s no hope for him, he’s well and truly fucked in the love department.

 

Two days later, Newt has a date with a young woman named Bridget. Hermann’s only learned her name by finding a sly way to ask that was likely not sly at all. When he asks Newt if he’s still seeing the man from the other night, he shrugs and says he’s really not too attached to the idea of him. There’s an anger simmering in Hermann’s chest, that a man with a hidden and deep propensity for kindness can be so careless about dating. He knows this is unfair, that people are allowed to view relationships in the way they want to, if he were not so tied up in his own feelings, he might even be relieved at getting Newt out of the lab for a few hours.

And then Newt decides to bring Bridget over for a tour. Hermann has to admit, when he sees the curly haired woman step into the lab, that she’s attractive. He really should stop, introduce himself to her and show her his side of the lab. Instead he bolts from his chalkboard and thinks through some feeble excuse as to why he’s suddenly in his room. When he emerges, about an hour later, Newt’s alone in the lab, back to work on his samples.

“Is your date over already?” Hermann asks, pointedly moving directly to his boards so he doesn’t have to make any eye contact.

“Thought I was kinda weird when she actually saw what I did. Apparently when you use the phrase ‘milking machine’ on a date, it sort of turns people off.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Newton.” Hermann fumbles with his chalk, even though he shouldn’t. “I’ve no doubt the next person will be a better fit for you.”

“I don’t know,” Newt answers, and his voice is charmingly both shrill and scratchy. “I’m beginning to think you’re right. Maybe I should try to find someone who at least thinks the stuff I do for a living is cool, right?”

“I’m sure there are people out there who love to talk about kaijus as a form of romance.”

“I’m sure there’s a Jaeger pilot or two out there who would be down for some fun…” Newt muses for a few moments.

“Could you imagine? Your ego competing with that ego?” 

“My ego competes with your giant egghead ego on a daily basis pretty well,” Newt defends.

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“We’re equals,” Hermann remarks, trying to keep his remark light.

Hermann can almost hear Newt’s thinking, can almost hear the rising argument. “So you told me I couldn’t date the people I have been dating because my standards are too low and now you’re saying if I try to date some beefcake Jaeger pilot my standards are too high?”

“That is not what I said, Newton.” Hermann heaves a sigh and, despite himself, turns to face Newt across the lab. “Equals was a poor choice of words.”

“Dude, I know we’re not the best of friends, but I thought at least you’d have my best interest at heart. Not everyone here is an island of a man who doesn’t need friends or companionship.”

“Don’t you presume to know what I do or don’t need here.”

Newt slams his hands down, dramatically making his tools clatter. “I think you’re a sad and lonely man who can’t stand the idea that the only person who will be around him might be looking for someone else to spend his time with and rather than trying to make friends or, heaven forbid, start a relationship, you choose to comment and criticize my attempts at doing it.”

“You are completely wrong, as always.” Hermann strides forward, heading towards the doorway. He’s not going to sit back and listen to this. “I apologize if you think I am overstepping my boundaries and I will endeavor-”

“How about you endeavor to leave me alone? Hmm? Why don’t you go find someone who’s out of your league and make moon eyes at him until he feels pity on you and then-”

“Because I don’t want that, Newton!” Hermann snaps, because he was always going to. He can only keep these things inside for so long. “I want you.”

“Hermann, dude I’m so-”

“Don’t.” Hermann holds up his hand, a signal of silence before he leaves Newt and his comments behind. It’s nice, if nothing else, to finally know how little Newt must actually think of him, to think of the words he’s said. He thinks Hermann’s pathetic, someone not worth caring for at all. That stings the most of all.

For so long he’d operated under the assumption that if he had told Newt his feelings, he’d at least consider it. It wouldn’t mean much if he didn’t feel anything in return, but Hermann could still give it a shot. Hermann could still try. But now he understands perfectly well how Newt operates. He’ll take anyone who will have him except for Hermann.

Sure, there are glaring exceptions, the awful people any decent man shouldn’t date, but Hermann hopes he’s not one of those. He’s just another big exception to Newt’s rule, someone he’d never consider not on virtue of anything but how pathetic he must be. And he feels it, slinking off to his room yet again that day. His work still has to be finished and there’s nothing he can do to avoid that, he’ll have to redo his equation, scratch it out on paper. Tomorrow he can be as composed and professional as he usually is, but today he’s going to allow himself to feel, though that sentiment in and of itself feels like an oddity.

He deserves this, he thinks, for trying to keep Newt from doing what he wanted. For daring to think that anything he did could change anything. Now he’ll live with the consequences and likely learn how to be lonely properly. It’s not likely Newt will want to talk to him in his usual friendly way any time soon, and he can’t really bring himself to want to talk to Newt with things the way they are. The last thing he wants is to leave his heart more vulnerable than it already is. He has to learn to guard it well, better than he’s spent his life so far doing.

 

Hermann doesn’t emerge from his rooms until the end of dinner time in the mess hall. He quickly shuffles through the line, pointedly avoiding the table where Newt is sitting with Tendo and his J-Tech friends. They may be laughing at him, Hermann realizes, and he pales suddenly. Surely Newt wouldn’t tell people? He’s angry with Hermann,  but he wouldn’t be cruel. It doesn’t stop Hermann from entertaining, for several moments too long, a reality where his most delicate feelings are spread around the Shatterdome as careless as any other rumor flung about. In time it would be forgotten, but his humiliation would be complete.

Ducking his head, he weaves past someone he recognizes with as much grace as he can manage. He’s fairly certain there’s someone calling his name, but he doesn’t look back. There’s no conceivable way he’s going to allow himself to be embarrassed like this, to be dragged into some joke that’s played on him. His judgements and meddling in Newt’s life do not deserve cruelty of any sort in return and he won’t tolerate it. There’s the sound of a tray clattering to the floor, though, and he turns abruptly to see Newt standing sheepishly about halfway between the table and where Hermann’s standing. Everyone else sees too, and for a few tense moments every eye in the room is on Newt. Hermann takes this opportunity to turn back and rush out of the mess hall and back to his own room.

He’s not been in his room for more than long enough to shed his blazer when there’s a knock on the door. Tonight he’s been more careful to lock his door properly so Newt can’t possibly find his way inside. Whatever humiliation waits him over this situation is going to have to hold tight for a while longer, because he’s refusing to emerge from his room until the morning. There’s another knock, this one more insistent than the first.

“Hermann, I know you’re in there, man.” Newt’s voice is muffled but in all circumstances obvious. “I really, really, think we need to talk.”

“Why? So you can insult me more? Tell me how pathetic you think I am because the only person who even lowers himself to be around me is you? And even then, it’s clearly out of pity.”

“Okay, first of all- I’m sorry about what I said. I was angry and I shouldn’t have said it! You’re right, I don’t know what you need to be happy but I wish you’d tell me.”

“What I need right now is for you to leave me bloody alone.” 

For far too dramatic effect, Hermann bangs his cane against the door. He’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed that this seems to actually do the trick and Newt disappears for the rest of the night.

 

The next morning, rather than delaying the inevitable, Hermann arrives to the lab early. He likes the quiet for working, he likes when he can be in the dreary looking room without the sounds of music blaring across the lab. It’s true that part of him likes when he can hear the loud music even more, but that’s a part of him that he’ll deny the existence of the the ends of the earth. 

He’s attempting to copy the formula he’d been working on the night before onto the board when Newt finally does enter. It’s late, far too late for Newt to be first arriving for the day. Usually he’d scold him, tell him to adopt a modicum of professionalism, but today he appreciates it. He suspects, at least, that Newt hasn’t told anyone else what he said, that there’s some respect for him that can’t be lost so easily.

“Can I finish apologizing?” Newt says, approaching him before he even moves to his work station. 

Hermann doesn’t say anything, which is usually as good of an answer as any.

“I didn’t mean to imply that I think you’re pathetic,” Newt continues. “I was upset because I thought you thought lowly of me. And I guess I was angry that I’d been…”

“You’d been what, Newton?” Hermann turns to face him properly.

“I dunno. It just sucks when you think the one person whose opinion really matters doesn’t think so well of you, you know? Kinda rubbing salt in the wound in that situation.”

“I think you are very deserving of a- of a partner who respects you as an equal.”

“So you mean yourself.”

Of course he couldn’t just drop that part of the argument, this is Newt, after all. Hermann’s face feels hot and he’s blushing.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Hermann places his chalk gingerly in the tray. “I have been trying to be understanding of the way you think about these situations and I’ve been attempting to think through the options. But the prospect of being just- just another person to you has been wholly unpalatable to me.”

“I’m really flattered that you think I’ve been with enough people that anyone is just another person, really.”

“Do you understand now why I didn’t want to talk about this?”

“Hermann, dude. I can be both open to dating lots of different people and really, really into someone.” Newt’s smiling and Hermann’s not sure if he can trust this smile just yet. “If anything, the desire to date people without being particularly interested in them can stem from, just for example, being really into someone and thinking they’re not interested.”

“Newton, I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t tease me about my feelings for-”

“I’m not. I’m not teasing you.” Newt’s shaking his head. “I’m an asshole, but do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?”

“I don’t know what to think of you from one minute to the next, to be honest.”

Newt’s expression shifts from playful to something more serious and he dares to extend a hand, reaching for Hermann’s cheek. The instinct to flinch away takes over and Hermann does, but then he shakes away his own hesitation and leans into the touch. He leans in to close the gap, just brushing his mouth against Hermann’s, not quite a kiss, but the intent is all the same. Hermann’s body feels like it’s about to burn up and leave him a pile of ashes on the floor.

“Can I?” Newt exhales, and his breath smells like coffee and sugary gum.

Hermann reaches for Newt, rests a hand on his hip in a move of bravery. The gap is so easy to close and then his world could change.

“I am the person, right? The one you’re very interested in?”

He frowns as Newt laughs, takes a moment to pull away and rest his head against Hermann’s shoulder. The laughter is deep, but Hermann realizes it’s not cruel. Newt is laughing because, to him, this is painfully obvious.

“Dude, I came to your room to bring you cake the other night. I literally fought off three rangers for that piece of cake, just on the off chance it would make you happy.”

“Three rangers?”

“That’s how into you I am, Herms.”

Even as he grimaces at the nickname, he keeps holding Newt by the hip and pulls him closer.

“Please do not call me that.”

Newt laughs again, rubs his nose against Hermann’s. “If I promise not to, can I kiss you now?”

Deciding that it’s in his best interest to agree, Hermann nods quickly and then takes the initiative, pressing his mouth against Newt’s. In his usual way, Newt is eager to return the kiss, eager to press his mouth back against Hermann’s and to take things to the next step. It’s clumsy, at first, Hermann nearly tripping as Newt tries to push him against the chalkboard, their noses awkwardly bumping together, but it’s also spectacularly perfect. When they pull away, they’re both a bit dazed from the kissing.

“I don’t know if I have the self control to keep from calling you Herms, though,” Newt teases.

“I’d rather you stopped so I can keep kissing you in the future.”

“How long have you been into me?” Newt says, changing the subject completely. Hermann suspects he’s already more than decided that he’s going to keep on using the nickname indefinitely.

“Long enough.”

“That’s not an actual answer. For me it was when you sent that horrendous picture with one of your letters, the one where you’re wearing the world’s ugliest striped sweater.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Well, the first time around. The second time around, that happened slowly.” Newt rests his hand on top of Hermann’s, where he hasn’t relinquished the grip on his hip.

“Yes, I could say the same about you. My second time.”

“Ooh, you were totally into me when we were writing, I knew it.” Instead of doing some obnoxious hand gesture like pumping his fist, Newt pulls Hermann in for another kiss. 

Hermann could get definitely get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> On tumblr @ pendragoff and twitter @ newtguzzler


End file.
